The Tale O’ Noah’s Ark

Now this ‘ere’s t’tale o’ Noah’s Ark
Fer all o’ you what’s in the dark
About yon tale from t’bible book
Of ‘ow old Noah ‘ad a stroke o’ luck

Yer see, God, one day, were ‘avin’ ‘is dinner
When ‘e teks a look at all us sinners
An’ ‘e sits fer a while an’ thinks to ‘is sen
“I’ll scrap it all an’ start again”

So ‘e looks ‘im round fer a decent mon
an’ Noah turns out to be the one
So ‘e teks ‘im aside an’ ‘e says “look lad
I’m gonna flood t’world, an’ end all t’bad”

So I need you lad to build a boat 
an’ mek it big, but mek it float
Cos if it sinks then thats the end
An’ i’m back ter t’drawing board again”

“see I don’t want t’ave to mek new breeds
nor t’plants so you’d best tek some seeds
when I’ve done it’ll all be down to you
To make the world all nice an’ new

I tried this once with Adan an’ Eve
But the the buggers didn’t tek no ‘eed
So I’m tryin’ it a second time
with one eye out fer snakes an’ crime

So tek yer wife an t’kids an t’dog
I’ll let yer save them lot from t’bog
an’ animals tek two of each kind
from ev’ry species yer can find

sheep an’ camels pigs an’ cows
from mighty horse to tiny mouse
collect ‘em all by growl or grin
just mek well sure they all fit in

So Noah builds and’ loads ‘is ship 
An’ gets prepared for ‘is aquatic trip
Then silence spread across The Earth
An’ it chucked it down for all its worth

Some creatures din’t mek it safe indoors
Like unicorns an’ dinosaurs
So good or bad they all got drowned
An’ consequently aren’t around

So ev’rythin’ went under t’flood
An’ all were left were t’stuff what’s good
‘Ouses, mountains, all were gone
An’ what remained were what God wants

So t’world’s destroyed in this ‘ere storm
But Noah’s safe an’ t’family’s warm
So they all sail around and look for t’Sun
But Noah’s bored so ‘e writes to Mum

An’ after a while, the rain it ceased
So Noah, ‘e were reet well pleased
An’ ‘e sends a Raven ter fly around
An’ see if it can spy dome ground

So ‘e waits fer t’bird an’ pleasant news
But it din’t come back so ‘e got the blues
So on ‘e sailed an’ made a plan
of ‘ow ‘e might discover land

‘Is next idea was send a dove
Cos they’re bound up wi trust an’ love
An’ this time t’bird it did come back
Wi a stick it found, on Ararat

So Noah sailed ‘is ark around
an’ looked to find this solid ground
An’ when the water drained away
The ark it settled, nice an’ safe

So t’family opened up the doors
an’ set free what walked on all fours
An’ then they opened up the crate
of things with legs of six or eight

An’ when the floating zoo was gone
An’ Noah and ‘is kin moved on
Japheth, Shem an’ Ham an’ wives
Began to build some new, dry lives

An’ when Noah looked at t’world all new
an’ saw what God ‘ad planned to do
‘E seed the part E’d played in t’plan
An’ thought ‘imself a better man

An’ God says “Noah, you’ve done reet well”
An’ Noah’s pride began to swell
But Gods soon stopped that with a dry
“Now son, go forth an’ multiply