Who’s Coming For Dinner?

“Cos I don’t want to die”
Said the cow, when asked why
She wouldn’t be this evenings meal
“Why don’t you ask her
Of a few younger years
I hear she has very good veal”

“I’m not keen on that”
Said the calf, right out flat
When the question was pointed her way
“You could ask the chicken
With juice great for licken’
She’s quite plump and too old to lay”

“I’d rather not then”
Said the broody old hen
At the offer of coming for tea
“I’m quite happy here
But you might ask the steer
He’s more of a mouthful than me”

“You must be quite dull”
Responded the bull
When offered the part of ‘roast beast’
“But you might ask the pig
He’s grown up quite big
And would make one helluva feast”

“I’m pretty sure no”
That’s as far as he’d go
In his oinky-oink pig sort of way
“I know, ask the goose
Her morals are loose
And she might just surprise you today”

“Completely absurd!”
Said the Canadian bird
“I won’t entertain the idea
But hey, ask the sheep
She’s not worth her keep
And some mutton goes well with a beer”

“I think you’re quite baaarmy”
The sheep said, quite calmly
I’m not being eaten, no fear
But you might try the ducks
They’re down on their luck
And might want a way out of here”

“Are you totally mad?”
They quacked “We’re not sad
We just have some ‘down’ in our mouth
But you could try the farmer
He’s not much of a charmer
With most of his meat heading south”

“But the farmer? That’s me!”
Said the chap in the tweed
“I can’t serve myself up as food”
And the animals said
“But you’d eat us instead?
Well really! that’s terribly rude!”